Hero’s has found their hero. By appearing at the April 29th K-1 show in Vegas, Brock Lesnar all but confirmed what had been speculated about for months—the big guy is giving MMA a shot. After years of lawsuits, bickering, and 3-rd string football practices, Lesnar is throwing his hat into the fastest growing sports-industry in recent memory. Rumors are running rampant that Lesnar will make his pro MMA debut quite soon. The educated guessers, (myself, John, and some guy named George who washed my car windows for me at the stop light. Great mind for the business that guy) seem to lean towards Lesnar making his MMA debut for the Hero’s organization, however all of the big three promotions (Pride, UFC, and the aforementioned Hero’s) will undoubtedly make a play to sign the talented and controversial wrestling star. If handled properly, this will be a cu not only for Hero’s, but for the sport of Mixed Martial Arts.
A part of me (the uncompromisingly selfish part of me) does not want Lesnar to participate in the MMA world. You see, I enjoy Brock Lesnar not only as an outstanding professional wrestler, but as an interesting personality as well. He did what few in the professional wrestling world have done. He revolutionized the “Big Man” style (all apologies to the Undertaker…………wait………..what am I apologizing for? They don’t get the internet in the nether world), and blended the powerhouse/power move style with a pure, mat-based style. This amalgamation of styles would be an outstanding feat for any wrestler, much less a 300 pound former amateur star. So in short, I’ll miss the guy within the professional ranks. His intangible personality traits/charisma (I’m starting to sound like I’m going to ask the guy out to dinner. Watch your back Rena Mero), coupled with his god-given physical gifts (yep, it’s turning into a love letter) made him a true anomaly in the sport. Both myself, and the New Japan accountants will be sorry to see him go.
Brock Lesnar equals big money. He has since he was hurriedly introduced by the WWE as the “Next Big Thing” (a moniker I cringed at then, and shake my head in disbelief at now……mostly because in their ham-fisted way they predicted the future). It’s no secret within this crazy world we all love that Lesnar has had his problems. The most publicized of which has been his year long contractual dispute with the innovator of crappy nicknames, the WWE. The root of Lesnar’s most recent problems with the WWE stem from his decision to try his hand at playing professional football. A football fan since he was a child (although he hadn’t played since high school), Lesnar was given his conditional release by the WWE based on one provision: that he sign a worldwide no-compete clause. “But Paul, who in their right mind would sign such a thing”? you may ask. And the answer, sadly, is a desperate man.
Towards the end of his tenure in the WWE, Brock Lesnar was having extreme difficulty dealing with the pressures (both physical and emotional) that are put on the top guy, in the top pro wrestling company in the world. Overnight, he went from one of the best amateur wrestlers in the country (and a relative unknown except within those circles), to a multi-millionaire “WWE Superstar” on the covers of magazines and on TV commercials. The stress of being partly responsible for drawing good houses, good ppv buy rates, and good ratings became more than he could bear. His attitude changed and the once humble and soft-spoken Midwestern wrestling standout, turned into a prima-donna with his own private Leer Jet. After being told he was going to drop the title to Eddy Guerrero (with no long-term plan of getting it back), Lesnar asked for and was given his release to follow his dream. His last match with the WWE was against Bill Goldberg at Wrestlemania 20 (made truly surreal by the crowd reaction. If you can, find a tape of the event to see what I mean. The WWE piped out the crowd noise on the DVD release) where he did the job.
Although Lesnar had/has all the physical gifts for any sport he wants to try, football was not for him. He was an average, but not good addition to the Minnesota Vikings practice squad, and was not signed to the team. He eventually resurfaced in the professional wrestling world with New Japan Pro Wrestling where he quickly was pushed to the IWGP Championship. Although New Japan is in economic upheaval, Lesnar’s run has been considered a minor success.
I don’t know too much about MMA. I’m trying to learn, but with a full-time pro wrestling addiction (it’s like heroin folks, honestly) I have been a little resistant to fully entrench myself within a new sport. I know enough about the general business aspects of the sport (financial analysts have been quoted as yelling “Cha-Ching, Cha-CHING, there goes the cash register, CHA-CHING” whenever Dana White walks by), to know that if handled properly this could a gigantic boost for the MMA industry as a whole, not to mention a singular boost for whichever promotion Lesnar ultimately chooses. The key is to “handle it properly”. As of press time Lesnar has yet to drop the IWGP title. The mentality that it takes to become a professional fighter is one of strict discipline. Lesnar would be better served to devote his entire attention towards his MMA training over splitting his training between two sports. The wear and tear on his body will be too great, and he will open himself up to heightened injury potential should he attempt both sports.
Another thing our boy needs to watch out for is the opportunity to “blow his big money match wad” too soon. If he (or the promotion he signs with) tries to hotshot a big money match without the proper amount of training (which, by all accounts, will be 1 to 2 years), yes they will make money in the short term, but they will kill his long-term drawing power as Lesnar would probably lose to any experienced “big match guy” he would face. The key factor within any new sport an athlete of Lesnar’s caliber tries is his mindset. If he is hungry, if he is disciplined, and if he has a true love of the sport, there is no telling what Brock Lesnar could do in the industry. If he is looking at this as just another paycheck, then he is doomed from the start. I for one am quite excited about watching the next few months play out. So excited in fact that I may have found myself a new addiction.

Thanks for reading this week folks. Come back tomorrow for my “Monday Night Ramblings” Raw Review. And, as always, check out Johnny P.’s “Four For the Road” columns which are periodically updated throughout the week. Enjoy the wrestling week!

BACKLASH
I didn’t quite know what I was watching. I settled down with my wings and beer (Miller Lite for anyone curious), and watched images of the sport I love. There were flashy lights, entrance songs, and a glimpse of a hold or two, but for the most part while watching the WWE’s latest presentation on pay per view, I wondered if I was being treated to more “Donnie Darko” than “WWE”.
The WWE’s latest monthly offering, “Backlash”, looked bad on paper and was…..well…..bad. It wasn’t “car-wreck” bad (although God’s no-show didn’t sit well with me………just fulfill your contractual obligations Mr. “Almighty Lord and Savior”. That’s all I ask), but it certainly seemed directionless to both the involved and casual viewers. It was filled with some remarkable highs, and some really horrible lows.
First the highs. The main event left me feeling like I didn’t TOTALLY waste my money, which in today’s wrestling landscape, is a pretty good feeling. HHH, Edge, and Cena all put on a hell of a show, worked their asses off, and progressed storylines in a fun way. Normally 3-Ways aren’t too much fun to watch (2 on 1, 1 guy gets thrown outside, 1 on 1, back to 2 on 1 for the finish), but these guys had some really innovative spots (Cena picking up HHH AND Edge for a double FU comes to mind), and the pacing was off the charts. Edge played chickenshit heel, which may or may not show the WWE’s trust in him as a top guy depending on how he’s booked on Raw. And HHH channeled Stone Cold Steve Austin to play the badass face. Although people will bitch that HHH is the “next Hulk Hogan” and isn’t “really putting anyone over” (all warranted arguments), in this show he tapped out to every man over 16’s favorite toilet bowl, and every woman and child’s obsession, John Cena. He then left both Edge and Cena lying as he celebrated his loss and flexed as the camera’s went off the air, thus adding fuel to his detractors fire and infuriating a whole sub-section of their fan base………..baby steps people……….baby steps. ANYWAY.
In addition, special mention must be made to my former girlfriend Trish Stratus’ (we’re taking some time apart; long story) match with Mickie James. This feud continues to entertain and amuse me. Even though Trish injured herself (and won’t return my phone calls), the feud has been a bright spot on WWE television. Rumor has it that they’re going to continue the feud while Trish is rehabbing (approximately 6 weeks), and they’d be fools not to. This has been one of the best-booked feuds in a long while.
As previously mentioned, the fans of Lexington Kentucky (cheap pop) were also introduced to God. Well, kind of. They were at least introduced to a spotlight, and yet another “look at me I’m crazy” Vince McMahon speech. Shane’s facials during his father’s promo saved much of the segment for me. And HBK proved yet again why he is the most consistent big-match guy since, dare I say it, the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, and carried Vince and Shane to an at least watch able showing. The continued tease of the reformation of DX elicited a piercing, overtly feminine scream from yours truly, and a giant pop from the Kentucky crowd, which wasn’t hard to do. That crowd was hot for everything (even Kane and Big Show) all night. Although, if I grew up in Kentucky I’d be fascinated by indoor plumbing and modern antibiotics, so that explains the Kane/Big Show thing. All in all it was a middle-of-the-road show with few reasons to feel good about being a WWE fan. “Ah well” I thought for what seemed like the millionth time. “There’s always Raw tomorrow”. Thankfully my optimism paid off.

RAW
The way that I’ve graduated to watching Monday Night Raw every week is much like a parent watches their child. They tune in and out when the child is speaking gibberish, and hopefully tune in long enough to hear the important things. Luckily I heard the important things this week. The first hour was truly a child speaking gibberish (insert Eugene joke here___________). It was riddled with Goldust appearances, lingerie/cheerleader/attempted rape/Jerry Lawler sexual misconduct/women’s matches, and some truly bad wrestling. The only bright spot was a Mick Foley/Edge back and forth that snapped me out of my daze long enough to hear that they’ll be wrestling each other next week on Raw, thus keeping Edge in a semi-main position and programming him with a legend who’s mike skills are unparalleled and can create a crowd reaction out of a sock. I rejoiced, then was coerced back into my coma by some angry tatted up Samoan straight outta the 70’s territories (this guy has all the intrigue of a Kane and Big Show Variety Hour, minus the dance number……..his manager shows some promise though). Then the second hour began and I was happy to be a fan again.
The ECW angle began in full force with a dynamic promo from Joey Styles. Cutting perhaps the most informative and interesting promo on Raw in several months, Styles blended fantasy with reality and voiced his very real gripes with his treatment by the WWE higher-ups. All while igniting what I hope will be an enjoyable angle to watch play out. Now I know what the millions upon millions of you who read my article are going to say (I exaggerated the number to compensate for my insecurities…….let me be) “but Paul, last week you roasted the ECW angle and said you had no faith that the WWE would execute it properly”. Well, to that I say, you’re right. I did roast the ECW angle, and I still have doubts that the WWE will execute it properly. I am however, the battered wife who hasn’t learned her lesson. Styles’ promo gave me hope that the WWE has realized its problems, entered a rehab facility, and will be paying child support before the month is out. In short, the promo gives me hope that they are on the right track. I hope they don’t smack the hope outta me again.
Another bright spot was the continuation of the DX angle. HBK was back to his old funny/obnoxious (well, funny for a man of God) ways and Hunter was actually enjoyable in his cool tweener role. I like the fact that they’re not hotshotting this angle and are giving it the slow-build treatment. While I do not know if this will translate into any real money (crowd pops can be deceiving: i.e. Hogan, Hulk), making the fans salivate over a reunion will more than likely translate into 1 or 2 decent buy rates (remember buy rates guys? It’s what your income is based on, NOT RATINGS!). The culmination of all the dick jokes and crotch-chopping was a HHH/HBK stare down at the end of the show. The arena could barely contain both the fan reaction, and the amount of product that those two put in their hair. Seriously, they’re both a walking infomercial for Vidal Sassoon.
Overall this week in WWE wrestling was full of highs (good 3-way main event, the well executed beginning of the ECW angle, and the continued tease of a DX reunion) and lows (anything involving Kane, the Big Show, Eugene, Goldust, and God) and little in between (please answer my letters Trish Stratus). They seem to have a renewed spark to their programming, and some interesting angles on the horizon. Hopefully I haven’t slipped into a tangent universe where this is all a cruel cosmic joke and the WWE isn’t starting to seem exciting again. Next week I’ll be discussing Brock Lesnar, MMA, WWE, and the physics of crotch-chopping. Thanks for reading!

-Hey everyone. This column, and all subsequent columns, is my chance to air my opinions about this crazy business we all love. You’re reading this because you’re a wrestling fan. Well, so am I. Comments are criticisms are welcome. I hope you enjoy!

“ECW! ECW! EC…….my God this chant isn’t working anymore”

It has happened. It’s Bizarro World. Think Zack Morris and Lisa Turtle dating, add a car-wreck quality, and you’ll have a hint of what the resurgence of ECW is going to go like. WWE has shown us that they are not only full of hubris, but they’re very possibly slightly mentally handicapped as well. It has been announced that ECW (or, EC F’N W for all those who are hardcore) is being brought back in the WWE’s latest attempt to shout from the rooftops: “WE HAVE COMPETITION, I SWEAR!!!” Unfortunately for the state of the business (thanks for nothing TNA), no one can hear their screams. I must admit, when I originally read this little bit of news I thought to myself “this might be a fun ride if executed properly”. Then, visions of botched invasions, the nWo “poison”, and Goldberg wearing a wig danced through my head and I admitted the sad truth to myself: the WWE version of ECW will fail on a colossal level. In my opinion, ECW survived for as long as it did based on two things: 1. the inability of Paul Heyman to put reality ahead of his dream and call it a day, 2. a hardcore niche fan-base who refused to let the extreme dream die.
We all know the history of ECW. Todd Gordon, Eddie Gilbert, Eastern Championship Wrestling, so I will not bore you all with a wrestling history lesson. I will instead bore you all with my own personal history as an ECW fan. I was introduced to ECW as an impressionable 15 year old by my good friend, and fellow columnist, Johnny P, and immediately swallowed my shot of Paul Heyman’s Kool-Aide. At the time ECW had it all. Not only did they introduce a niche version of hardcore wrestling to the United States that I had never seen before (and what would later become mainstream through copying of the Big 2), they showed me characters who actually gave a damn. No longer was I subjected to clowns, superheros, or God help me, Thanksgiving Turkey’s. Now I was shown a newer and better world of athletes involved in contests that they would give their lives to win, which at the time was a novel concept. These athletes wrestling a stiffer, more “extreme” style, broke kayfabe, and most importantly, came out to really cool entrance songs (give me a break, I was 15 and easy to please).
ECW brought back the old Mid-South way of booking: build up personal feuds that people care about, throw in a little (or a lot if your name is New Jack) of blood, and watch each combatant put everything on the line to win the contest. The characters and the atmosphere created by Paul Heyman encouraged impressionable youths like me to take up arms in the fight against the mainstream. “ASK SABU”!, and “OH MY GOD”! had become a part of my everyday lexicon. I was part of their army and wore my colors proudly. Then the unthinkable happened, ECW lost its magic.
There is not one “finger poke” moment in my ECW experience that I can look back on and say “yep, that’s what did it”. Maybe it was the constant repetitiveness of the extreme style, maybe I was burnt-out by promises of mainstream credibility, or maybe, just maybe, the other promotions took ECW’s style to a different, more enjoyable level. Whatever the reason was, ECW’s stranglehold on me was beginning to break.
One by one ECW’s biggest stars were lured away from their revolution by promises of guaranteed contracts and mainstream stardom. I really can’t blame them. While I know very little of what it actually takes to become a competent professional wrestler, I can only surmise that the endless traveling, the injuries that don’t heal, the time away from family, and the constant fear that the check won’t clear wear on an individual at an accelerated rate. That is true whether you’re a Franchise, or a Human Suplex Machine. Seeing his stars taken away, Paul Heyman did what countless other wrestling bookers who were faced with a similar situation would do, he lied to his talent, and he adapted. He lessened the discontent by giving big pushes and promising paydays that never came. The egos were fed, but the stomachs weren’t. The choruses of “This will be better once we get PPV”, and “This will be better once we go national” did not hold the water that they once did. The writing was on the wall. ECW, despite its rabid fan base, would never be a profitable alternative on a national scale. After signing a deal with the then “Nashville Network” (TNN), ECW averaged a little less than a 1.0 rating and died a quiet death. But the chants never died.
To me ECW represents a time and a place that can never be duplicated. The problem does lies with the product, and the drastically different landscape of modern day professional wrestling. The problem lies with the WWE’s version of “sports entertainment”. The WWE has saturated the marketplace with its own idea of what professional wrestling should be. Gone are the personal feuds, the very real envy over title belts, and the artistry of a professional match. In its place has risen an age of ref bumps, high spots, and owner-centric main events. I don’t wish failure upon the reemerged ECW. I just know the WWE’s pattern. They will take what was once a very real counter-culture movement to both its fans and its workers, and turn it into a garbage wrestling spot-fest until its profitability has been squeezed dry. It will be another carrot on a stick to its audience.
“They won’t screw up this time. We believe in them”. Have they given you any reason to believe in them? Has their product, on a sharp decline since 2001, given you any reason to justify your hopes? Hell, I’m sure I’ll drink the Kool-Aide one more time. I’m sure I’ll buy an ECW ppv, and I’m sure I’ll catch a show here or there. After all we’re all eternal optimists when it comes to the sport we love (although I am beginning to feel like a battered wife who has learned how to properly take a punch). What I can’t bring myself to do however is to follow the WWE’s version of the product with as much intensity and enthusiasm as I once did. Everyone likes to see a few old friends once and a while. But it’s sad when you realize that you and your old friends have nothing in common anymore.