Guilty Conscience

Before reading this op-ed piece it would benefit the reader to first look at Eric Bischoff’s blog, located here: http://www.ericbischoff.com/blog.asp?Path=T1,0003&MaxListings=

Every wrestling fan needs a heel to love a face. Hogan needed Piper. Austin needed McMahon. But the only way to successfully babyface someone as disgusting as Vince McMahon is to bring on someone even below his depth. Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Bischoff. So while McMahon pretended he was battling Ted Turner, McMahon really had saleman turned C team announcer turned WCW Executive Eric Bischoff as his true nemisis. But more importantly, to fans of the mid to late ninties, WE had Eric Bischoff.

So it brings me great joy to announce to the rest of you that the Bisch, who aspires to be Vince McM., who in turn aspires to some day be legit (much like a millionaire pornographer who is frustrated w/ being looked down upon), has surfaced with an opinion the WWE and possible Congressional investigations. Much like HHH’s obsession w/ worshiping his boyhood hero Ric Flair while bizarrely trying to make him a subordinate and historical stepping stone, Bischoff has always been about showing his “Daddy” he’s bigger then him, while at the same time looking for his approval.

Read the hack’s latest blog and you’ll know what I mean. For those who don’t know, no one is more obsessed w/ wrestling journalists Dave Meltzer or Wade Keller then Bisch (okay, well, Hogan is, but Bisch is next). So what did the hack who makes hack-like products with fellow hack Jason Hervey do? He wrote about how there’s no problems in wrestling, poor WWE, and all this bad media coverage is obviously Meltzer and Keller’s fault. You see, everyone just wants to be on TV. Congress should solve all the worlds problems, and yet none of them. Just as long as nothing happens to his beloved sports entertainment. He’s really bothered by all this after all. How transparent guilt is when it surfaces on your face, sir.

Thanks Bisch for reminding those of us who forgot about you (who’s really irrelevant, Ken Doll?) how “relevant” you are. It’s amazing how insecure wannabe-celebrities process information. whoever is deemed most “famous” in Bischoff’s mind must be right in any argument. Even better, obviously everyone is looking for attention – even Congress – because that’s what people do, right Eric? Controversy Equals… no Eric, I’m sorry, you lost 80 million dollars of someone’s money. Only Bob Carter lets people get away with that at this point. People are killed for much less, but then, white collar crimes, right Eric?

Someone should really give him an award for being such a hustler. I mean, it was Eric who just happened to be vacationing on someone else’s dime – I mean working – in Japan under the guise of business when he thought of (read – he copied) the idea for the NWO. And how lucky the ass he was licking was so terribly insecure with the vocal hatred of the fans that he was willing to turn heel for the angle, because, after all BROTHER, heels gotta go over, right?

But like any good con man, one good turn deserves enough. That’s why his accomplices/enemies/best friends/political enemies were the drunk and the big sexy liar. And by the time they were done with “ATM Eric”, they’d already taught an entire locker room how to stay home and get paid, get drunk/high at work and get paid, hold up company storylines or actual live events for ego sessions (and get paid), or selfishly write their own egotistical stories on TV to the detriment of others and get paid. One need look no further then the 15 minute vanity segment that was the announcement of Bret Hart’s signing, which had NOTHING to do with WCW or Bret Hart’s actual signing! Or Bisch and the Hucksters brutal fantasies acted out on national TV as they pretended to do a talk show. Yeah, good old ATM Eric, he certainly deserves an award for staying true to himself and never admitting his faults. If there was an award, a Gold Club, I’d certainly make him a member. Oh…oops.

In the end, their are several sad realities about reading something like this. Sad as in a coward like Eric Bischoff not having the spine to write a real autobiography a year back, simply because in the end he wanted the money and the approval of daddy McMahon. No, sader then that, it’s that people like Eric Bischoff can somehow be successful in our own sad society. Mr. Bischoff is currently listed as an executive producer of a reality show flooding the air waves. I’m told it’s doing well.

In September there may be Congressional hearings about the culture of professional wrestling. In specific, the drug culture of wrestling. Maybe Mr. Meltzer will be on hand to testify to Congress and get all the “attention” Bischoff believes he seeks. That Meltzer, how irrelevant and attention seeking. Isn’t that why you spent countless hours on the phone with him to get his attention and opinion on every decision you insecurely made and re-made?

And maybe a “nobody” like Mark Mero will be there not only trying to save some lives, but further excommunicate himself from his profession by telling the truth about it. He has an alternate agenda, you know. This fall he’ll surly be paid to visit high schools and talk to young athletes about the dangers of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs. He may even make enough to support himself modestly. The creep. Or Konnan. You remember ol’ K-Dawg, don’t ya? Hopefully he’ll make it to testify. He’s got this kidney thing going on right now, but I wouldn’t worry if I were you. They were his choices. It’s not like you could have drug tested him or suspended him without pay during the nearly five years he was under your employ.

Thankfully, you’re a righteous man. You know this is just a mindless attack on Mr. Vince McMahon and the good corporate umbrella of World Wrestling Entertainment. They put smiles on peoples faces, after all. So you’d never be dragged into this dog and pony show, where you might be forced to testify before Congress to all the horrible things you did and actions you promoted or rubber stamped while in power in Atlanta.

I wouldn’t expect you to remember Louie Spicolli or Bobby Duncum Jr. I don’t think they rode bikes or went hunting with you. And they certainly weren’t famous enough that you’d wanna be seen out with them. But you remember Brian Pillman, right Eric? You told that irrelevant Dave Meltzer how you wish you could have done more to help him. That was at Pillman’s own funeral. How about Eddie Guerrero? Anything? you threw coffee at him once. He almost died once or twice while working for you. I know you remember Curt Hennig. Fellow Minnesota native and a star from the 80s with all the baggage that comes with those excesses. You always loved those old 80s WWF stars. And you might remember Chris Benoit. I think he was referred to as a “Vanilla Midget” by a contemporary of yours. Nothing?

Well, I guess you did all you could, unlike the Meltzer’s and Keller’s of the world who spoke up in their silly little dirt sheets. You did do all you could do Eric. Didn’t you?

It is rare that I follow WWE, or for that matter, TNA. I find it hard to watch anything but isolated matches these days, and can’t follow promotions, in any active way. I am,for better or worse, connected enough to wrestling I won’t escape that easily. I was told this past week Vince McMahon pretended to blow himself up, which was funny because it was exactly what I hate about wrestling, but it was SOOO WWE, that I just nodded and said “yep” when a friend called me about it. I haven’t really followed it other then the Bruce Mitchell Audio on the topic and found that they are portraying it outside of wrestling and on their TV shows/websites just like they did when Eddie and Owen died.

Now I thought, “this must be the most tasteless thing Vince has ever done”, which is saying something PROFOUND! (Does anyone remember the Torch Talk audio of Scott Hall giving a great perspective on being disgusted by the Eddie and Owen tributes, even if we as fans liked them?) Even funnier, or maybe just as stupid as WWE blowing up Vince and pretending it was real, media outlets, I guess bewildered by WWE’s stubborn stance of pretending this is real, are doing stories that the whole thing is a “hoax” and a “publicity stunt”. Brilliant. Now that blows my mind. As misguided as local newscasts might be (they care so little about wrestling they don’t realize it’s a TV show that serves 12 year old viewers, who coincidentally, KNOW Vince isn’t really dead, because… it’s a TV SHOW!!) WWE brought it on themselves.

But, to my amazement, TNA and Jeff Jarrett have given Vince a run for his money, in the same WEEK! Jeff Jarrett whored out his wife’s REAL death on PPV under the guise of it being a tribute, and attached her memory to his shit vanity promotion, TNA, as a way of babyfacing himself to the small goofy fanbases of TNA in Nashville and Orlando. All this to celebrate the fifth anniversary of his carny scam – I mean wrestling promotion – TNA. This is Dusty/Vince level disgusting.

I’d also like to point out that in the body of this show Sting came down from the rafters via harness. Remember when Owen Hart died and Jarrett sat their blubbering about helping to keep Owen’s memory alive and raise his kids? That was 8 years to the day Jarrett’s wife died. Haven’t heard anything about Owen Hart from Double J recently, but Sting did pay tribute by NOT dying doing the harness deal (Supposedly never to be done again), and I do see Jeff using a death to get over now, it’s just not a dead Canadian. This excerpt is from the Torch Report that was sent to me via e-mail:

“Back live, Mike Tenay was center ring. He directed our attention to the big screen for an important interview with Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett, from his living room, said the last five years have been the most trying of his life. He said TNA is on the cusp of greatness. Jarrett took us back through the history of TNA, including his trip to Japan to take out Hulk Hogan. He mentioned Jill and started to choke up. Jarrett said she believed, to a fault, in him and the company. They cut to pictures of Jill smiling. He talked about Jill being diagnosed with breast cancer and showing deep love to a number of people over the years. Jarrett brought it back to TNA and said he doesn’t know when or if he’ll come back. He said being inside a wrestling ring is the worst place for him right now. He looked into the camera and thanked the fans for their support. He said, “Thank you on behalf of Jill. Thank you.” They aired a memoriam for Jill, then came back live where the fans applauded and some fans were shown crying. A chant of “Thank you, Jeff” broke out in the arena.”

Thanks Jeff! You and your Dad are scumbag carnies just like Dusty and Vince. That’s why you still have jobs in Wrestling. I think Brian Christopher, another wonderful product of nepotism in wrestling, said it best when he told the crowd during one fine Memphis studio show, “I wish I had the cure for AIDS, so I could NOT give it to anyone in this audience, and watch you all die!”

-Wrestlemania 23 produced some really bad, and some really encouraging results. Is the glass half empty or half full. Business wise, it’s completely full. There were over 70,000 (WWE claims 80,000, but who knows with them) paying patrons who dropped the biggest gate in WWE’s lap. sometime like 5.5 million dollars. That’s not including merchandise, or the worldwide company PPV record they may be setting (domestically, well that record pretty safe for now). Regardless, this PPV will actually make them money. Will it turn around slumping PPV business overall? I tend to doubt it, but I’ll be writing about that in the near future.

As for the show, the reviews around the net that I’ve read, and in particular I pay attention to Brian Hansley’s The Morning after Mania Review, have been favorable. It’s no secret that i don’t consider myself a part of WWE demographics. They’ll tell you I am, but the truth is while I am male, I’m not 12-18, which is who the show is really geared towards. I didn’t enjoy watching it, and I’m happy it’s finally over so I don’t have to hear about it, but it was nice to get together with some old friends and catch up while it played on the screen. It helps when you don’t have to pay the $50 yourself. The main event was pretty entertaining (wish I hadn’t reviewed HBK-Angle earlier in the day), and I actually enjoyed an Undertaker match for the first time in years. also, even if it has significantly declined and probably peaked, all you car crash fans left over from the FMW/ECW salad days got a few good bumps out of the Money in the Bank match.

On the other side, we had Great Kahli vs Kane. Couldn’t this be an inferno match where they actually did set themselves on fire? And why wasn’t Micki James vs Victoria on my TV screen? I know the one bimbo (and I like fake punk rock chicks, don’t get me wrong) is in Playboy, but who the hell looks at Playboy. I’ve got the Internet. Playboy is so ninth grade! Okay, I get it. There’s that target demo again. And don’t get me started on WWE writer’s so-called skits. The WWE might love to be campy, or think they’re clever because they “know” they are camp, and they’re in on the joke, but I haven’t laughed at anything they’ve done since Mick Foley/Christian/Edge promos in 2000. Why did Bob Holly win the Money in The Bank Match? Afterwards, when the guy did a promo, looking like Holly, but sounding like JBL, I realized again that no one will ever really break out until they’re allowed to do promos that aren’t all written for the same person with the same speech cadence: HHH.
At least Vince got his head shaved, even if the general consensus of everyone I watched with was “couldn’t they just quick do this, we see him bald, and it’s done in 30 seconds?” I agreed, but I also thought Vince should have left TV forever after losing to Flair at the Rumble back in 2002. By that time his once great character had run it’s course, and all I’ve seen when I periodically check in with RAW are reruns of stuff I watched when I was still legally required to go to school.

But I guess no big news is good news. Cena kept the title warm for HHH. No one died. And if Hansley and some other things I’ve read are correct, if you’re a part of the Sports Entertainment fanbase, you probably liked it. I’d be worried though, if the two men who carried the top two matches (HBK and UT) were the same two guys carrying PPV main events a decade ago (has it been that long since Hell in A Cell?!) Not only that, the guys they were walking through the park were the two anointed NEW top guys. Well, I guess Vince really has changed things. no one in the fanbase knows WWE use to be WWF, and no one knows they use to be a wrestling show. Now, lets never mention this again.

-The WWE finally realizes the mistakes of the last – I don’t know, fifteen years or so – and honors Jim Ross. I had a chance today to finally sit and watch the WWE’s announcement on RAW of Jim Ross’ inclusion into the 2007 WWE Hall Of Fame. Now, I’ll be honest, I don’t recognize their Hall. I know this puts me at a new level of geek, but if Vince McMahon’s deceased limo driver can be in a pro wresting hall of fame, it’s not really a hall of fame. Any hall where Lou Thesz and Bruno Sammartino aren’t in, but the Iron Shiek is, well, the less said, the less hate mail I’ll get. For the record, Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer has the most respectable and well thought out/voted on Hall as pro wrestling goes, but even that is hotly debated.

What’s important for me to note at times like these is my place as a fan and commentator. I have an opinion, and I base it on being in the 1% of fans who cares about Thesz, Rikidozen, Joe Stecher, and the history of wrestling. I care about Japanese wrestling, and where Mistico will end up in Mexico. I love Johnny Saint matches, and Kobashi chops, and Flair face first bumps. And my opinion is only relevant to the few people i can reach that care about that same history and scope. It’s far more important that Jim Ross be honored on national television by his employer after the years of humiliation.

I watched that video package, and I saw the ovation. I saw tears in Jim Ross’ eyes, and a caring hug from his on-air partner Jerry Lawler. I don’t have much respect for Lawler (I find the man to be more pathetic then respectable), but he reminded me of another moment that should have happened. Bobby Heenan, the roast master of the Hall ceremony, being able to put in his partner Gorilla Monsoon. I remember when Gorilla died, and Heenan broke down live on Nitro as the usual funny man quickly eulogized his friend. That moment should have happened in some big hall on an early April weekend. It should have ended with music hitting, Monsoon coming out, Heenan backpedaling on the mic, before Gorilla uttered his famous phrase, “Oh, will you stop!?”

Lawler GOT his moment to hug JR that night at RAW. In a way, the whole audience did, a touching two minutes of standing and cheering from a crowd usually spending the evening waiting to chant “asshole” or yell “what?” Steve Austin got his moment with his longtime friend too. He got to tell the world (buy the DVD. TV time costs cash) what Good Ol’ JR meant to him as he inducted him. Even HHH and Vince McMahon had to lie through their teeth and pay tribute to the man they tried to destroy so many times before.

JR knows what they all think. The fans. The Wrestlers. The front office. The ghosts of WWE-past (Cornette, Russo, Hogan, whatever). He also knows he got his vindication. Fired twice. Almost replaced by UFC’s Mike Goldberg just 18 months ago. He was to-southern. He was to-old. Then he battled Bells Palsy. He faced mean-spirited skits and taunts from a company that never appreciated what they had. All of it, all the years of trying to belittle him, or sit him at home, and somewhere in that building, Vince, and Johnny Ace, and HHH, and everyone who ever undermined Jim ross as an on-air talent or as head of Talent Relations had to hear that cheer that brought tears to the Okie’s eyes. I got a little choked up myself. Even if they didn’t mean it, it was a classy move from an otherwise classless company.

Georgia and Florida had Gordon Solie. Memphis had Lance Russell. The WORLD HAS Jim Ross.

Or should it? Serra’s story validated the comeback concept of the Ultimate fighter season. It rectified the sins of a lazy Lutter fellow. The PPV opened up a new market in Texas, which didn’t do so bad at the box office (roughly 3 million at the gate). More important to the show, this match saved the event. It made it another buyrate that will have a higher percentage of replay buyers, and not because Sanchez and Koscheck set the world on fire. Serra might have ruined the much-delayed debut in Montreal (and an anticipated Hughes-GSP 3), but he has opened up some more money matches.

Now Serra’s 8-1 odds story can be sold. It’ll be sold on Spike the week of his next match, and before that in newspapers and websites still being turned onto the UFC and MMA in general (and thanks to Dana White, who really knows the difference?). It was sold for the first time, as was the UFC, very early Sunday morning in the east on ESPN. If they’ve given in now, then we’re only 50% of the way, and the uphill portion of the marathon just started sliding down. It’ll be sold in Sports Illustrated, who comes out with a reportedly large in-depth article next week.

Most importantly it’s already being sold by UFC. One of Dana White’s best attributes (and eventually his downfall in 20 years or so) is his need to control a story and spin it his way. White said after the show that Matt Hughes was getting a shot at Matt Serra first. That’s a match-up that should draw reasonably well on PPV (they have a built in story using The Ultimate Fighter footage alone, Also in their favor, depending on where it takes place, Hughes could continue role of being a heel outside of the Midwest. Regardless, he’s got name value if they fight on the moon thanks his win over Royce Gracie and an Amazing hour of TV on Spike a few days before it. Serra, to his credit, is wonderful NYC “street fighter” underdog for the awakening east coast media and their fascination with MMA. East Meadow, New york is close enough to Philly for Serra to be Rocky if the media deems it so. And by the way, have you noticed how Madison Ave. has been getting behind the UFC? I think the blood during the fight on last weeks TUF 5 debut fight was sponsored by somebody!

Back to the point. That decision (Serra vs Hughes) gave Josh Koscheck, a winner by decision over Sanchez, a boo-boo face. But he shouldn’t feel bad, because he cut the greatest heel promo since Tito Ortiz said one of a hundred things about Ken Shamrock years ago. He’s rumored to be matched up with GSP, in another fight that will probably sell between 500-600 PPV buys. And all this leaves out the fact Diego Sanchez only had one loss, and polarizes an audience enough to make for one heck of a PPV draw.

When all this shakes out, someone’s fighting St. Pierre in front of a crazy sold out crowd in Montreal in the next year. Anyone who’s seen a Pro Wrestling PPV from a Canadian location in the last 20 years will attest to the amazing atmosphere it’ll create for a TV broadcast. Whether hardcore MMA fans want to understand it or not – and even the recognized MMA media seems split on this fact – PPV sells to it’s built in audience no matter what. But it sells at the numbers we see now because of clearly defined, real or hyped, issues between fighters where a fight can be sold to “Joe Sports Consumer” at the local bar. If you want MMA as true sport (and really, that in itself is a fantasy born of the myths of Babe Ruth and Wilt Chamberlain) there’s always the IFL. Apparently that audience is less the 1.2 million, and that’s for free.

Dana White wasn’t stressing after St. Pierre fell to the ground dizzy in Houston Saturday because by the time he hopped into the ring to fill Serra’s head with the same nonesense he does to all his champs while he personally puts their belt on them, he already had a plan B. That’s why marketing beats quality. Why VHS beat BETA. And why Zuffa made the necessary rule changes to get MMA sanctioned again and back on PPV. What, you thought it was some guys in New Jersey? Then you don’t read the papers, follow this week’s Sports Illustrated, or watch SportsCenter.

John Philapavage is a Staff writer and Editor here at pwchronicle.com. His Four For The Road columns run roughly four times week week, and he supervises and writes on many other projects (both Pro Wrestling and Mixed Martial Arts related) for the site. He can be reached via e-mail at johnnyp@pwchronicle.com

Memories of the first 100 ROH shows, should WWE wrestlers be allowed to smoke weed, Kurt Angle’s health problems become scary in WWE, and remember when Joey Styles and ECW mattered? It’s all here in this archived version of the 5.4.06 Four For The Road

My first look at Mistico and his possibilities in America, WWE pisses off the wrong state athletic commission (and nothing ever happened), UFC scores big with Tito/Shamrock season of Ultimate Fighter, and some momentary sympathy for TNA. All this in the 5.10.06 version of Four For The Road

A letter from Staff writer Brian Hansley before he wrote his own stuff (or we had the site up), TNA does right by Samoa Joe (what was I thinking?), and some praise for a well decorated lucha tag team in this Monday May 15, 2006 edition of Four For The Road.

I try to sit through a whole RAW (while actually being excited about the product, and fail, and the ROH/CZW angle goes to the next level as Homicide joins in. It’s fun to look back in this Tuesday May 16, 2006 edition of Four For The Road.

An amusing Four for the Road from May 17, 2006 on why God must hate the Jarretts, the Carters, and TNA more then Vince McMahon. And this was before Vinny Russo was back in the picture.

An interesting Four For the Road as I look at why Kenny Doane and Kid Yamamoto might be the future of their chosen professions. Well, there’s still time. This is the 5.18.06 Four For The Road.

My disgust for the WWE’s revival of the ECW name continues on the 5.19.06 edition of Four for The Road as they land their newest “hot project” on the Sci-Fi Channel. that worked out well.

Thoughts on WWE’s Judgement Day PPV (more like questions) for this 5.29.06 Four For the Road.

Matt Hughes destroys Royce Gracie and a UFC 60 review. The Boom has landed!

Apparently phony wrestlers should just shut up and die. That seems to be the sentiment from the national U.S. media in the wake of a Sports Illustrated story naming several top WWE wrestlers and their illegal prescription habits. Even re-branded (thank you Linda McMahon) as entertainers/athletes, or better thought of by the company as sports entertainers, the sentiment in the media (especially at ESPN, which has failed as a journalistic entity on all wrestling stories because of their own self-importance) seemed to be simplistic and mean spirited. That message was essentially – Ha, we caught you! We knew all along. You’re all jokes. We were right. End of conversation.

Except, wrestlers, whether they are UFC fighters in shoots or grapplers in worked matches, are still human beings. And the generation of wrestlers (no media outlet called them Sports Enter-whatever, Vince) that came before this has seen young death after young death of semi-retired or medically retired wrestlers. The WWE has “lucked out” in only having two high profile deaths for drugs on their own watch the last decade, but there have been countless more deaths that you wouldn’t know about if you weren’t paying attention.

What struck me most about this story isn’t that it happened (I expected that), or that it made major media outlets (it is a part of pop culture, regardless of how the mindless news readers feel, and there’s too much TV time to fill not to run with it for a day.) I wasn’t even surprised that past S.I., no one seemed to be factually correct or look any deeper into the story (they don’t care.) I was, however, shocked, surprised, and saddened by the attitudes of wrestling fans and those in the business itself, in that specific order.

Several wrestlers (those who weren’t pulled by the WWE from media appearances) gave typically logic-flawed outright lies or lies by omission to go with their usual denials of drug abuse. Those who didn’t work for WWE, even at advanced ages, kept to the “code”, no matter how foolish they sounded. After all, you never know when Vince might be calling.

It sad when you feel so defensive of your spot within your chosen profession and of that profession’s image that you’d rather facilitate unhealthy behavior and enable yourself and others rather then stand up for something right. Then again, wrestlers don’t have, and never will have, a union for a reason. Promoters were con men who historically could never agree on anything or trust each other for more then five minutes. NWA yearly conventions throughout the 50s, 60s, and 70s were legendary for stories like this. Now imagine the pimps allowing their whores to form a union, and the whores agreeing on anything? Sorry if that depiction strikes you as harsh. It came not from my own head, but from wrestlers who I’ve spoken to over the years.

Almost a year back I wrote a column that can be found on this site saying Eddie Guerrerro’s death may have actually saved Kurt Angle’s life. Sadly, I think it just helped WWE corporate to wash their hands should Angle ever go to sleep and not wake up. Fans who cried when Eddie died seem to have taken a different tone on this story though. Many of them don’t see it as a problem, or think that the WWE shouldn’t even address the situation. It’s almost like fans of the WWE would like this swept under the rug as much as the WWE would. But isn’t the WWE a stock traded company? Don’t its wrestlers have to work over 250 dates a year with a tougher in-ring work ethic and more big shows then the former generation did? And isn’t that former generation filled with deceased wrestlers like Rick Rude and Curt Hennig? What about pain killers and the problems we’ve seen inside the industry with them? Whatever happened to Brian Pillman? And didn’t steroids and HGH cause an enlarged heart in some famous wrester less then two years ago? I heard he die on my TV. They had a whole ratings grabbing tribute for him. I’m struggling to remember his name, even though it’s been used to make money by his former employer for over a year now. Oh wait its right here in that S.I. article. It was Eddie. Well, now I guess I don’t have to worry about it.

It’s naive to think that this isn’t a problem because prescriptions for drugs were written out and received two or three years ago. Nothing has changed, and as Bruce Mitchell of the Pro Wrestling Torch referred to it, getting caught or not caught when it comes to performance enhancing drugs is really what amounts to an “IQ test”. Adam Copeland came out on his Myspace page yesterday with a typical denial on the story. I know, I know, it wasn’t a denial, it was an explanation. At least he attempted to have it read more honest than a complete blanket denial like many other wrestlers who are used to lying for a living.

Copeland said he took HGH to rehab his broken neck years back, and I have no doubt he did. I’m just wondering how the results stayed on his frame until roughly Wrestlemania of last year, when it finally became evident he was becoming more natural. And for anyone who argues that there was no wellness policy back then, or that now that there is one the wrestling community is fine, haven’t we seen selected suspensions before? Over the last year several people have been caught and suspended for failing the “I.Q.” test, and in the end, they were allowed to keep working like the whores that they are. They just weren’t getting paid for thirty days, because Vince still needed them out there turning tricks.

This is a problem that should have been rectified in the early 1990s when the government flubbed a case that would have sent Vince McMahon to jail for several years. We should have seen stricter rules and a reconditioning of the viewing public over a decade ago. But the WWE became impatient, WCW had taken over as the leader of the industry, and drug testing was quietly dropped. I’m afraid more wrestlers are going to have to die in their forties and early fifties because of this “non-story” in Sports Illustrated this week. After all, the mainstream media has already done what they do best: treated these “fake wrestlers” like evil cartoons, bumbled through factual information, and basically sent the message the small minority of us were hoping wouldn’t come. The message is, “Vince and his circus are a joke, so we still don’t care if human beings die.” McMahon doesn’t care because he’s built up enough plausible deniability and fake rules to insulate himself. The wrestlers won’t die on his watch anyway, they’ll die five years after they’ve been used up. Wrestlers have reinforced their decision as a whole to lie for their profession because the media deemed this a joke and a non-story. It sad that no one IN the actual industry wants to clean up what really is, underneath it all, a beautiful art form of telling simple stories with the human body, much like dance.

Phil Mushnick might be a grumpy old man, but unfortunately he’s right about wrestling. And Page Falkenburg (DDP) can blame the fans all he wants. Sure, the viewing public was conditioned to perceive wrestlers as bodybuilders. It’s not their fault, and they’ll get over it if and when an attempt is made to change that perception. That perception was the rare occasion, not the rule, before Vince McMahon bought the WWE from his father and took in national in late 1983. If you’re looking for a reason why every wrestler from my father’s generation to mine has felt the pressure to use drugs for pain or to get bigger, look no further then Stamford, Conn. It begins and ends with a man who sets an example of work conditions by posing for Muscle and Fitness at 60 years old. Someone should test Vince. I guess one government investigation wasn’t enough.

- 2006 end of the year awards are come and gone, but we here at Wrestling chronicle.com have only begun to start arguing over such nonsense and where it will be placed years from no (My pick was Danielson vs KENTA, Paul’s was Danielson vs McGuinness from Unified, there was alot of talk as to how we felt about eventual winner the Dragon’s Gate 6-man, and who the hell knows what Brian Hansley likes!).

I’ve just received a compilation of the 50-60 consensus top matches of 2006, and we’ll be doing some Steal This Match reviews for the site. One that got left off the list – and I was reminded of thanks to a patron of a message board – sparked a rant in me on one match which gets little credit. It goes as follows:

Danielson vs Alex Shelly was a GREAT (completely underrated) match live that went 52 minutes between mic work and actual wrestling. They HAD to stall for Samoa Joe, who was in the main event but still getting from the airport to the building thanks to being booked in Mexico the night before. Not only did they have to stall, but the crowd was hostile, seeing Danielson as the epitome of ROH (the event was held in CZW’s main building, the ECW Arena, though that’s like saying if I rented out MSG it would be “my building”) and Shelly as a “traitor” for having been in CZW and left earlier in his career.

Then you have the fact it’s heel vs heel. People like Brian Alverez who do everything by the book would say this match was destined to fail (and I enjoy his shows at times, but there is more then one way to do a freakin’ tag match!, among other things).

This was honestly a match that not only didn’t fail, it got a standing ovation at the end, and it was Dragon who got it. Not only that, it did have some intrigue and drama, since none of us at the building knew they were stalling for anything (I’ve read one to many smart mark comments about stalling and the story why in DVD reviews, like the audience, or half the people watching the DVD are aware of this during the match and terribly affected by it).

This match was seriously 2 stars better then most DVD reviews if you were there live, and to me it’s one of those that wasn’t a match of the year (or over-pimped), but it was on the top 25 of last year, and top 10 for me from ROH specifically. Still, even on DVD the commentary and shooting of the match is quality, and it’s definitely 3 1/2 stars, but I could (I only said could) go as high as 4 stars). This is one that wouldn’t be MOTY from just workrate alone, but it’s the whole viewing experience that makes it must-see, like how Colt Cabana makes his Comedy matches 4 stars as a sub-genre.

Go out and see this match. I feel so strongly that this match gets less credit, you’ll all be punished with a Steal this Match review of this, and I’ll make Paul or Hansley do one to, just so you can get another perspective (And they’d love to tell me it sucks just for this rant, I’m sure). The Iron fist has slammed down. That is all!

-pwchronicle.com notes. As far as this column, you’ll be seeing four items twice a week in it, or four columns with expanded thoughts on two separate items in a week. Either way you’ll get content and opinions/analysis. Feel free to leave us all comments until we get the message board up and running. Expanded articles on a subject will be dealt with in my On Wrestling series, which will take a more serious look at the industry of Pro Wrestling and/or Mixed Martial Arts.

I wanna welcome and thank Brian Hansley, who is in charge of our TNA coverage, but like everyone here, can write about anything his heart desires. He’ll also have some great thoughts on WWE 24/7 programming and more then likely point/counterpoint stuff with me on live ROH experiences. Hansley did a hell of a job anchoring the site this week while we all dealt with our lives. I’ll have an ROH Apologist out soon, to um… apologize:)

Paul Siegrfried, who is now gaining more hype then Glacier circa 1996 NITRO, will be officially contributing new content this coming Monday (Paul swears this, not me), After computer trouble. I believe he’ll be doing a RAW Ramblings on Monday. He does have several old articles on the site. Search his name in categories or look for Sunday Morning Musings for his regular weekly column. Oh, and Paul wishes to thank Hansley for doing RAW coverage this week so you actually think we all get along. In reality, he’s disgusted by anyone who goes by their last name as a first name. Read his archives. You’ll get his tone.

And Finally, Gene Boyer swears to me he’ll be joining us soon enough. His TNA thoughts were completely derailed by the evil Corporation Comcast, who decided for his safety, his liver enzymes were too high to be watching anything with a Russo-booking content of 1 over 1000. That’s doctor talk. Gene has a great library of old tapes and DVDs and as often as he can, he’ll be giving us reviews and thoughts about wrestling and MMA over the last 25 years. And since I think he received the same best of 2006 compilation, perhaps I can get him to do some dueling reviews with me.

Thanks for reading. Come to the site often. We’re still getting our feet under us, but it’s all starting to come together.

-UFC 70 falls through on HBO, and will be tape delayed on Spike TV. Apparently, after a ton of back and forth, depending on who you believe (and in fairness I think it’s all pretty much true), UFC and HBO will not be coming to terms. The HBO side involves an executive war, where half the executives in power wanted Mixed Martial Arts to compete with Showtime in the pay TV market. Showtime has Elite EX up and running now, and had success with their first show.

Unfortunately, others in charge, like HBO Sports president Ross Greenburg, were much less in favor of a deal, having a view similar to muc of print/TV/Internet media. That is to say, anyone over 40 thinks boxing is somehow harmless and “the sweet science”, and on a business level feels they’re fine to stick with coverage of that sport. They find MMA to be human cockfighting, and have no interest in broadcasting it or covering it. Those under 40, who tend to have less clout and are paid less, can’t figure out why there is not more serious coverage of the sport, and fight for it’s inclusion. The irony is that many of these older sports writers are in print media, while younger writers tend to be beat writers or columnists stuff with this new crazy invention known as the Internet. Most young people don’t buy newspapers anymore, they read news online, so the schism is noticeable in those under 40 aware of MMA (specifically UFC), and those over 40 who don’t want to hear it if you scream the words.

Which brings us back to the other side of the argument. While HBO’s Greenburg may have won the tug of war inside HBO, he had a little help from someone, namely Dana White. White is deathly afraid of outsiders having there say on the sport, and is in many ways the egomaniac and control freak that Vince McMahon is. So what you get is a big disagreement between UFC and those in HBO trying to get the sides to make a deal. HBO wants there own announcers, own production, and commentary control over the event and the segments. To them, like any sport, UFC provides the players and the venue, and HBO comes in with unbiased coverage. It’s alot like Football of baseball, except CBS or FOX watch what they say many times as far as criticizing the leagues. After all, they are a cash cow you do business with. Apparently White is nervous about opening up that Pandora’s Box to early. Fortunately for him, he’s been right more then he’s been wrong as far as guiding the direction of MMA in this country.

So HBO loses millions in revenue they could have had, and UFC loses the prestige. UFC will live. Believe me, it wasn’t gonna be that great anyway. Just imagine the fight the day a pouting and out of touch Larry Merchant or Jim Lampley are instructed in cover and interview Chuck Liddell or Tito Ortiz. That’s the kind of train wreck I’d be expecting.

Here’s the problem at hand. UFC 70 on April 21 was to be the HBO debut. That’s out. It’s far to late to put together a Pay-Per-View at this point (those things actually do take some planning to be a success). What we’re left with is the event moving to Spike TV on a tape delay. A lot of people see this as a failure. I think a lot of those same people saw HBO as something more special then just another TV deal in a smaller household universe. This is, and should be considered, a chance to make a HUGE positive.

Make a UFC PPV-like card on free TV a yearly event. Much like Tito-Shamrock’s rematch, take a negative and make a positive out of it. With a loaded card, and coming from another country on tape delay, you were going to lose out slightly just because a portion of people need everything to be live. I tend to not watch the football or basketball on tape. I just watch Sportscenter.

Having this on Free TV the same day tells the consumer “save your money, we appreciate you”. They need to do a huge ad campaign for this on Spike, with billboards, TV interviews, and in print/internet media. If I were them I’d try to get it sponsored much like the World Cup, where they omit commercials because it’s “being brought to you without commercial interruption by evil corporation A and then B”. I think the event should be held yearly and kept special, like Clash of the Champions or Saturday Night’s Main Event in Pro Wrestling. You’ll know this isn’t just a Fight Night on UFC because it’s presented just like the PPVs, and the match ups are PPV-caliber.

UFC understands its fans and promotional tactics. This idea is practically being done anyway, it just needs a different presentation. You can fill the wholes in the three hours w/ packages to promote pay events and TV shows, your website, and if they ever get out of that terrible deal, DVDs. Besides, imagine the money in your pocket in Decemeber when you spend a good amount of time in April making people like Mirko Cro Cop or Keith Jardine stars to the casual fan.

-Dana White and the media. I’ve always liked Dana White. I enjoy his ability to promote and speak. He comes across better then someone else I write about from time to time, Vince McMahon. But White seems lately like he’s a little drunk with power, and he’s been stumbling over his own ego in media appearances simply because he’s to lazy to present himself better. That, and he thinks it’s cool to be a tough guy. The problem is, he’s the president of the tough guys, and he needs to be a well spoken guy.

Dana was on Scott Ferall’s radio show the other week calling fighters and executives outside his company anything that came to his mind. When talk turned to Pride and Pride USA rep. Jerry Millen, White started calling Millen a “homo” on the air, and when Millen was brought on the phone, Dana cursed him out and made references to Millen meeting other members of Pride in gay bars. That would be fine for one of Dana’s own fighters, but these were two representatives of a new sport with critics just waited to see them slip up. Millen is no angel (check out the crap he’s been saying about lovable on-air duo Mauro Ranallo and Bas Rutten), but it’s in no executive’s interest to yell anti-homosexual references on a national broadcast and then play it off as though he’s just a man’s man.

Then, when talking to MMA internet media, Sherdog.com, after UFC 68, White began cursing like a sailor at any subject brought up and called PRIDE “Fuckin’ retard” and “Fuckin’ Assholes” because Wanderlei Silva lost a fight the week earlier. The reason: Not only has he realized PRIDE is so mobbed-up that it’s impossible to buy the thing, but he wanted Silva in May for a hardcore fan’s dream match with Chuck Liddell. What’s really silly is anyone who is excited about the idea of that match still would be, even if Dan Henderson beat Silva.

My guess is Dana thinks he’s just presenting the image of a young brash tough talking guy who is hip to the times and has to save face around his fighters (Much like the guy up in Stamford, Ct.). He probably thinks no one hears Bubba the Love Sponge or Ferall Show, because they’re still on smaller Satellite radio systems. And when talking to insiders like Sherdog.com, who are just happy to be in the building after how White tried to kill there access to make way for mainstream media, I’m sure he thinks it’s some dinky Internet interview.

But eventually all this information filters out to larger sources. It doesn’t have to be today, that doesn’t matter. White on the radio: many of us have a CD of that. White on Sherdog: I can look a that video over and over if I like on my computer. He carries himself a lot better in media appearances like CBS Sportsline or 60 Minutes, but the fact remains, anyone with an ax to grind now has something to hold over his head. So Dana, or Mr. White, if you prefer. THINK next time you speak, before I catch you on HBO for the wrong reason. I know – I know, the deal fell through. But that’s nothing compared to the embarrassment you’ll bring the Ferttita Brothers if we see video of you snatching notes from the hands of Bob Costas while he grills you about promoting human cock fights and homophobic remarks.

This weekends big UFC 60 from Lip Stick City is going to do an estimated 425-475 thousand buys. Now, TNA does 12 PPVs a year. A run of the mill show does 30-35,000 buys. If a WCW reject like Sting comes back, that takes it to 45-50,000. That only happens about three times a year, and that’s our cap. I’m gonna be nice and say on average TNA does 40,000 buys per month for the year. That’s 480,000 buys per year. That means they MIGHT beat out UFC’s one month take –maybe.

But TNA doesn’t do that many buys on average. TNA also sells it’s PPV at $29.95. UFC 60 was at $39.95. TNA does there shows in front of 900 fans who get in for free. UFC (And don’t believe Mike Goldberg, the Staples Center was not a sellout) did a gate Saturday night at somewhere between 5 and 6 million dollars conservatively. The UFC also gets a higher income demo. From advertisers, better ratings, and had the Rock and Paris Hilton all over its show Saturday night. In one night they dwarfed the millions lost by TNA every month, year, and soon, half-decade. TNA is not the WWE’s competition. UFC is.

The main event sold this show. The build up and spectacle were awesome. Everyone in the know was aware Hughes would make his name off Gracie, but Gracie and Dana White convinced enough people with their collective mouths that this wasn’t the case, and they talked several hundred thousand into putting there money on it. That’s great for now, and I know you can’t “book” this like Vince McMahon can (It’s amazing in a controlled environment that Vince’s “storytelling” pales in comparison to the UFC’s variable plagued reality theatre), but the next event has to deliver better then this one. Three of the first four fights ended abruptly with first round submissions. In most, the action had not heated up. It’s not that the event was in any way bad, but last night was one of the few times you’ll get about 40-50% casual fan viewing, and they don’t have the appreciation or patience that people like myself do. You knew you had a great, but quick, main event on the table. I know you can’t hold a gun to any fighter’s head and say, “don’t finish him. Toy with him. Let the guy back in and have a strike-fest so the crowd pops.” But you can book guys who are evenly matched together with contrasting styles. Styles make fights. Dean Lister’s fight should have been awesome. Boxing vs. submission. Lister’s opponent, however, was confused once the bell rang. They are lucky the next event coming up is as huge as it is. It should be another big buyrate for Ortiz-Shamrock 2 and Arlovsky-Sylvia 3.

The good was visible from the beginning. Great package to open the show that got me excited and also let us know who was there. I loved the pre-promotes for U.F. on Thursday, the finals on June 24th, a Fight Night on June 28th, and the next PPV July 8th. You have a heavy schedule guys, but at least we know where you are.

A final note. As much as it frustrated me to see Diego Sanchez choking in a fight he needed for credibility (the U.F. microscope is burning this guys back), it was one fun fight. Alessio put on a good showing with the jab, had Sanchez beat, and gave away the third round. It looked like a draw, but I applaud Deigo’s heart for climbing on that guys back for over 3 minutes. Amazingly fun match, and he handled the crowd’s booing with class.

So let me get this straight. Undertaker can’t put over John Cena, Bautista, or Randy Orton? But he can put over the (not so) Great Khali? Ric Flair and so many others can’t get any promo time on TV, but a guy who speaks no recognizable language known to man (Khali) gets mic time? O-Kay. Quite the system they’ve got going on Smackdown. WWE is actually lucky no one is watching right now.

Mysterio was going to get surgery, so they took the champ and had two no-talents like Mark Henry and Khali crush him? But JBL needs surgery more, so little 619 got to keep his belt at the PPV? Is Smackdown coming to Stabler Arena or Philly anytime soon? I’d like to go over Rey Rey too. I need the rub, and these are my hometowns. Call me Vince.

A side note here. Mark Henry is still eating fat roasted pigs and sweating your WWE dollars thanks to that wonderful huge contract he signed ten years ago! This guy has been making 250-275 grand a year, plus PPV bonuses. We were all going to get lucky, as Henry was gearing up for retirement. Then Vince and Big Steph decided to make him a main event player is the Smackdown sandbox. Guess who just got some big payoffs and is about to sign a new deal? Yep, thanks Big Steph. Stab that balloon stomach of yours before your demon seed unfurls. Do it for the fans!

Fit Finley apparently needs a midget to get him over. This is the quintessential WWE move of what Vinny Mac believes wrestling, or rather Sports Entertainment, is. But is anyone on Smackdown really over? I mean, if fifty people get drunk enough to boo JBL for his blatant to-real-to-be-a-work racism, is he REALLY over?

Matt Hardy was in a dark match that didn’t even air on the pre-show. I know these guys don’t save their money, but can you just release Hardy anyway. Even if he doesn’t know it, we’d all like him a lot better in ROH, TNA, England, Japan, and Middle Earth. Just as long as he’s far away from you people so his humbling does turn into his pathetic acceptance, like my old favorite, Ric Flair. Bozo Clown Flair got married again. Get ready to split your money in half for the third time, Nature Boy. Why can’t you be smart and marry Little Natch? He’d never sue over alimony! Even Hogan laughs at the way you prostitute yourself, and I hate when people make me agree with Hogan.

At the end of all this, some how, WWE Smackdown had a critically successful PPV. One final question: If no one bought the PPV, is there anyone in the forest to hear it fall?

I’ll be back tomorrow with thoughts on the RAW side of things, my attempts to not comment on the ECW angle and brand extension, and some UFC 60 thoughts. If Paul shows up tonight w/ the RAW Ramblings, you’ll get it in the mail. If not, that means Paul made a very sane choice in not reviewing RAW.