Pro Wrestling Chronicle

Match # 14: Chavo Guerrero, Iceman King Parsons & Kerry Von Erich vs. The Fabulous Freebirds (Penalty Box Match) (4/29/83)

I’ve missed Chavo since the Mid South Diaries. I saw Ice Man in the late 80s on ESPN. I liked him and Brickhouse Brown (which makes me think as a white guy I must group black guys together. Only explanation). I’ve always had a soft spot for Kerry (who I thankfully group together with other white guys named Von Erich). This looks like an interesting babyface team to duel with The Freebirds. The stip is going to make or break this one.

The Freebirds come out with matching Blue and white robes (and white tights) while Bill Mercer describes the stipulation. If you break the rules you go in these phone booth-sized cages (penalty boxes) for a minute. I’m not completely sold, but the booking could make this compelling. The fans chant, “Go home Freebirds.” They hated these guys, and that’s all they chant. It was a different world before ECW. Chavo looks good in against Hayes (if memory serves I was a bigger Hector fan), who stooges around for him. Kerry gets in and Hayes runs out of the ring. He won’t tag in while Buddy Roberts struggles against the powerful Von Erich. As good as Roberts looks in his moments, it is Gordy who puts on a clinic for the loose working Von Erich, then does the same for Chavo Guerrero. The Freebirds try to play the numbers game, but only end up bumping for the likes of Parsons. They make him look great.

Finally Kerry gets Hayes to tag in. You can guess who gets the better of that. Hayes cheats to get the advantage, which doesn’t get called, but Gordy gets sent to the cage for an infraction. Hayes gets sent a minute later, so Buddy gets the crap beat out of him until they get out. Gordy takes over once he’s out, and the Freebirds get the heat on Parsons. It’s very acceptable stuff, though Parsons is not Ricky Morton, or even Marty Jannetty.

Chavo gets the hot tag, and Gordy bumps for everything, even a flying head scissors. Gordy rules in this match. Whether he’s stringing together athletic-for-a-big-man offense, or he’s bumping and selling, he rules. During another heel control segment Kerry Von Erich and Buddy Roberts head to separate penalty boxes. It doesn’t feel like they’ve worked this into the match story enough where it could emotionally satisfy or impact the match narrative. If the heels weren’t caught, the faces were, and there was no one to make a hot tag to on Kerry’s team, that would be something. That hasn’t happened so far. Just as I write that Ice Man goes in, but Kerry comes out.

Chavo does his roll gimmick around the ring for the hot tag to Kerry, so it picks up again. Seeing Gordy versus Kerry makes me want to see a singles match between the two. Hayes is in there too, getting shots on an already weakened Kerry (I like that subplot.) Both teams are at full strength again, but Ice Man gets frustrated and gets sent back to the box. Hayes is drawing great heat on the apron while Gordy does some cool Death Valley Driver-like move to Kerry. This is flowing well now, not that it ever was bad, but I’m into it now.

Kerry sells for a while and play the numbers game I love to watch, three guys tagging frequently and cutting off the ring. It breaks down with Kerry trying to kill Hayes. Hayes gets put in the cage, but so do Chavo and Kerry. It’s Parsons selling for a few moments, and then Kerry is back out. This is my problem with the gimmick—the time intervals are too short. I thought they said we’d see five minute penalties for multiple infractions. By the time they are in they’re back out again. It’s maddening trying to follow, let alone type it all. Freebirds have been controlling for several minutes though, so that’s a solid point. Hayes tosses David Manning with the cage door upon being freed, but Parsons gets a flash pin on Gordy out of nowhere. I have actually liked several screwy finishes on this set more than that clean pin for the faces. Why the hell do they win again? This Von Erich win, like the 2/18/83 lumberjack match had me scratching my head. Maybe the heel Freebird wins just didn’t make the set. I cannot think of many matches from my 80s Diaries where the good guy win really hurt my feelings on the match like this one did. Thankfully the Freebirds destroyed the faces after the bell.

Compelling action packed twenty minute six man (I’m partial to those) with convoluted rules and some stretches of common sense gaps. Overall compelling, but only Kerry on the face team really got me. Gordy shined in ring, Hayes for all the other stuff, and Roberts was fine. 3 ½ stars and 6.8/10.