Pro Wrestling Chronicle

Match # 142: War Games 2000 Cage Match (Nitro 9/4/00)

Great. The Russo era takes an awesome once a year gimmick match that has roots in the Horseman, Dusty Rhodes superpowers, and gang warfare, and uses it as a Russo-pervert gimmick match on free TV. Looking at the line up we’ve got Sting, Booker T, Goldberg and Kronik on the good guy side (why Kronik?), and Nash, Jarrett, Scott Steiner, and Vince Russo on the heel side. Two things. First, this looks like a match that can and will happen in 2009-’10 TNA. Second, weren’t Nash, Steiner, and Jarrett at odds during the last match or two on this set? I’ll throw in a third: The babyface side has five men, while the heels only have four. You can never follow Russo booking. It’s incoherent. I’m going into this with a chip on my shoulder. Find the positive, come on!

Apparently this match is for the WCW title. The title is somewhere above the cage in a “triple cage”. Sting starts with Jarrett. Some decent brawling. The heels of course have the one man advantage as more people enter in this one. Russo is a central character in the commentary here, which annoys me. Mark Madden I enjoy. Jeremy Borash is more TNA crap I can do without. Schiavone is neutral to me at this point, which is a bad sign. This company sucked at this point.

Seems like they’ve got a crowd of only 2-3,000 there, but they love this crap. Somehow Kronik are allowed to come out together when the face side gets an entrant into the match. Steiner’s got bolt cutters in the second cage above the first for some reason. If I sound incoherent even in a stream of conscious review it’s because this match is incoherent. Nothing Russo books holds up a few months after you see it because how can you remember any of the context. As Bruce Mitchell once pointed out – everything in WCW is done at a drug pace. Steiner has a face protector on for no reason. Russo comes out in a full Hockey gear with security (Bruise Brothers) that decide to join the match. What!?

Nash comes out, but he’s not actually aligned with Russo. Go figure. These main event guys are obviously half-assing a lot of this stuff, especially Nash and Steiner, but probably Sting too in different ways (he was never a guy who liked to sell). Kronik and the Bruise Brothers are now magically brawling in the crowd. How did they leave the second floor of the cage? The only one who wants to try (maybe Jarrett is trying), Booker T, has entered. Everyone on the teams is fighting amongst each other because of the title being on the line. Why have teams again? Booker apparently had to have a match earlier just to get into this one. My head hurts. Let’s just go to the finish.

Goldberg comes in and kills everyone. Nash seems confused about what he’s supposed to be doing so he walks outside the ring to wait. Russo uses a baseball bat on Goldberg. Everyone is climbing up to the third level of the cage and awkwardly brawling. Goldberg is now handcuffed to the ropes. I’m waiting for Schiavone to proclaim this the greatest night in our sport. Sting is handcuffed too.

It gets CRAZIER (and not good crazy). Russo gets the belt (you’ve gotta get out of the ring with it).
The freakin’ Cat, Ernest Miller comes out and attacks him. Nash kills him with a power bomb, grabs the belt, but Goldberg decides to rip out of the handcuffs and decimate everyone. Goldberg walks with absolutely no purpose and drops the belt before trying to leave the cage. Surprise guest number 47, a barely recognizable Bret Hart, slams the door on his face. Steiner hits Goldberg with a pipe, but he doesn’t try to leave either. They get the belt to Russo, who – shock of all shocks – gives the belt to Nash. Nash WAS friends with them all along, even though to begin with he was on their team. Somehow Nash winning is supposed to make all the sense in the world. This is the worst match I’ve ever seen. No stars and 0/10.