Pro Wrestling Chronicle

-Tonight is a double dose of special on Raw. First off, it is the 2007 draft. It’s a perfect time for it too as Smackdown, while clicking recently, could use some propping up in the main event picture. ECW could use a mercy killing, but since that won’t happen they could use some legitimate main eventers. On top of all that it is Vince McMahon Appreciation Night. Being that this is a very special edition of Raw it seems like the perfect opportunity to make my triumphant return to PWChronicle, and bring back my random stream-of-conscious writing.

- We start off with Vince McMahon reading a prepared statement looking very much like a hostage victim.

- The gimmick tonight is there will be a series of interpromotional matches and the winner of each match will earn a draft pick for his brand.

- The first match we get tonight is champion vs champion John Cena vs Edge. Somehow despite the fact that this is roughly meeting 1,043 between the two in the past 18 months they find a way to have an interesting match together. Sometimes you just have two wrestlers that click together and just work. This would be the modern day WWE version.

- Fairly back and forth match so as not to diminish either brand’s champion They battle to the outside and Cena sets up Edge for the FU through the announce table. Edge rakes the eyes though and beats the ten count back into the ring. That means Smackdown gets the first draft pick.

- The “draft” is a random computer generator that cycles through the wrestlers before randomly landing on a guy. So basically we are playing Press Your Luck with the wrestlers.”C’mon Chris Benoit! No Snitskys! no Snitskys!” Any way- the first draft pick is The Great Khali to Smackdown. Edge looks the opposite of happy.

- First up to toast McMahon is the former Governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura. He tells McMahon he will not call him “Mr.”, and compares him to Fidel Castro. In a related note wrestling forums everywhere blow up as posters try to piggyback jokes onto that analogy.

- Coach is in front of McMahon’s dressing room and announces that the next pay per view will be a night of champions. Carlito vs CM Punk is up next. Underpushed wrestlers collide

- Flashback to last week when Murdoch and Cade beat the Hardys for the tag belts. That finish still looks bad.

- Joey Styles and Taz have the call on this match. “C.M. Punk” chant starts up. If the WWE goes back to a Northeast regional promotion Punk just might be over huge. Carlito works over the ribs of Punk and even breaks out the body scissors. Punk counters and hooks in the Boston Crab. Off the top with a Springboard clothesline and it gets a 2 count. Carlito hits the Backstabber but Punk rolls to the outside. Carlito throws him back in and gets the cover for a 2 count. Punk counters a second Backstabber attempt and hits the Go To Sleep for the 3 count. ECW gets the next draft pick.

- Computer time and ECW gets- The Boogeyman. The less said the better I suppose. The crowd responds with deafening silence.

- Snoop Dogg is up to talk to Vince. He calls Vince an asshole. Whatever.

- WWE Shopzone now is selling life size cutouts of Melina. Who is the market for that? I’m kind of surprsied they haven’t just gone the full mile and teamed with an adult toy company to make blow-up dolls of the Divas. Sounds silly, but you know it would make money.

- A video tribute to the character of Vince McMahon. Basically they are showing video packages from the McMahon DVD, which is good because not many people bought it.

- Mick Foley is out and says he heard about the open WWE Championship match. He throws his name into the match at Vengenance. That segues into talking about McMahon. The best part about Foley talking is- there is an underlying tension to everything he says. Sure he is saying what was asked of him but he is putting his own little digs or flourish on it. Always interesting to hear a list of names read on a wrestling show and listen as to how the crowd responds. Of course a name like Dick Ebersol just completely confuses them. Foley says McMahon isn’t worth our time.

- Next match for the Draft pick is Umaga vs Balls Mahoney. I’m gonna jump in my fast forward machine and say Raw gets the next pick…Samoan Spike and yep- Raw gets the pick .

- Raw gets King Booker. He and Sharmell were a hot act last year but have cooled off some. A change to Raw might be perfect for him and gives Cena a decent heel to work with. So far I’d say Raw is getting the better of this all but only slightly. Khali is a great monster heel but they need faces more over there on Smackdown.

- Steve-O offers some words and says he likes watching Vince get his ass kicked and he doesn’t want to make Vince kick his ass. Why would a guy who once stapled his ballbag to his thigh be concerned with a 60 year old beating him up? To drive a staple that close to your junk you have to be pretty fearless.

- This should be an interesting match-up, Bobby Lashley vs Chris Benoit. For all the griping fans do about the treatment of Benoit- the WWE always lets Benoit control the offense and flow of the match- even against the champions. This is no different as Benoit gets about 65-70% of the offense. Benoit does his best to lock on the Cripple Crossface but Lashley blocks. After a couple attempts Benoit finally locks it on but Lashley counters. Benoit blocks the Dominator and hits the German Suplexes. Lashley counters another attempt at the German but Benoit comes back with the Sharpshooter. Lashley comes back and hits a powerslam for the win. I’m kind of hoping now after that little 5 minute match that Benoit is the draft pick to ECW and he feuds with Lashley over the belt. It would do wonders for Bobby.

- Honest to God I wrote that before it happened. Benoit is now on ECW. Perfect guy to move over to ECW. Lashley will get a very accomplished wrestler to work with. Also if ECW truly becomes a developmental type show working with Benoit and just generally having him around for pointers will help out the younger guys.

- More words for Vince, this time from Donald Trump. He tells Vince he is pathetic. Trump then threatens to give himself an appreciation night. Maybe he should just go back a few months and try to give himself some viewers for this season of The Apprentice.

- Flashback to Smackdown when Vince suspended Ashley for spilling coffee on him. She then fake cries.

- Ashley is then with us via satellite. The lip rings might work for some- but not for me. Now we start flashing back to how Vince has treated the Divas over the years. They then show us the clip of Trish barking like a dog, then stripping to her bra and panties. Bad to bring that back up and bad to show Trish that way because she looks worlds better than Ashley ever will. She then introduces Moolah and Mae Young to come out and act like dogs. Someone needs to make a copy of this and send it to Congress labeled, “Why we need to save Social Security.” Just stupid and not funny. Santino Morella and MVP up next.

- Just becasue I feel the need to pat my own back- and needle John- about a year ago I told him MVP was going to be a big star if his in-ring work caught up with his mic skills. John disagreed. I was right.

- Next up to speak about Vince is Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka and The Iron Sheik. Don’t they usually put one of those interpreters in the bottom right hand corner of the screen for stuff like this. It was about a minute long and I got like 3 words out of that all. Jim Ross makes a good joke about the closed captioning person working overtime.

- Morella’s music is entirely horrible for a babyface. It elicits no type of reaction from the crowd. I’ll give Marella this- he has some really good energy and by the end of the match has the crowd with him for the comeback. However, he is completely awkward throughout the match. He looks tentative, like he is afraid he is going to mess up if he isn’t overly careful. The two trade kicks before MVP takes advantage and locks in the Camel Clutch. Marella comes back and hits a shoulderblock off the second rope. An hour and a half into the show and JR shoehorns a Sopranos reference in. Marella pounds away in the corner but MVP reverses it and hits a kick to the face. He then connects with his finishing move to pin Santino. That means Smackdown gets another pick.

- And they get Torrie Wilson. And the announcers have to sell like it is a great achievement. So Smackdown has yet to get another face which is what they really need.

- Bret “Hitman” Hart is the next person to offer us his thoughts. This should be fun. Not as stiff as you would’ve expected but he did say the best way to handle McMahon is to punch him in the head. He calls him an “asshole” then. Snoop Dogg beat you to that one Bret. He looked a lot better than he did in his appearance at the Hall of Fame ceremony.

- The Miz is up next to face Snitsky. This probably means ECW gets another draft pick. Although Snitsky is from the area so they might not put him over. Miz is hung up in the ropes and then gets his adam’s apple collapsed with a clothesline. Big boot and it is over. However, Snitsky keeps on the attack and the referee reverses the decision.

- That means Smackdown gets the pick and they get- Chris Masters. A change of scenery will probably do him good. Again though- a face needs to be moved to Smackdown yet. Although Masters could be a decent face someday.

- Bobby Heenan is next up and he says McMahon must have a severe case of chafing from walking like he does.

- “Rowdy” Roddy Piper is out next and he gives us a video of Vince’s worst moments. And that’s it. Why bring Piper in and only let him talk for like 30 seconds? That seems pointless.

- Candice Michelle vs Kristal is up next. Candace sometime in the past month got really good looking. Kristal has been pretty much good looking from the start. Give Candice credit- she has really improved in the ring and actually pulls off some decent stuff. She then goes for a spin kick but it’s more a bull rush. She gets the 3 count and Raw gets the next pick.

- Raw picks up Bobby Lashley. Color me confused. Does that mean he will drop the title tomorrow night, or tonight yet? Out comes Coach- this might clear up some confusion. Coach strips Lashley of the ECW Title since he is no longer part of that brand. I guess that means we are going to have a tournament for the ECW title coming up. I guess that’s a good way to get the belt off Lashley without having his mometum cooled going over to Raw. I guess we basically are going developmental with ECW

- Bob Costas is up next and says he kicked Vince’s ass in their debate on his HBO show. He then says Bobby Knight was more rational. Now that’s a low blow.

- Next match will pit Jeff Hardy (referred to as one of Raw’s young guns by Cole?) vs Elijah Burke vs Batista in a Triple Threat match. This should be interesting- and a bit of a style clash. Hardy takes control of the match and hits a dive to the floor onto Batista. Batista comes back though and scores the win.

- Smackdown gets the pick and they get Ric Flair. Still not what they really need.

- Time for Captain Lou Albano to speak. He said McMahon has a brain the size of a BB. Then he makes it more about him then about McMahon. This appreciation thing is losing its luster.

- The announcers say that there will be a supplemental draft on Wednesday at 12 noon on WWE.com. So there will be some more pieces moved then. Good.

- Dusty Rhodes is out to talk about Vince. He speaks about Vince as a dreamer and a visionary. He talks about the guys Vince stepped on and over to build the WWE. He then says, even though you may not like Vince, you have to respect him. That was the first really nice thing said.

- “Mean” Gene Okerlund is up next and says Vince is the best for firing him so he could go get a job with WCW. Interesting take there

- 15 man battle royal for the final two draft picks. Smackdown sends out Matt Hardy, William Regal, Chavo Guerrero, Mark Henry, and Ric Flair. ECW sends in Kevin Thorn, Matt Striker, Marcus Cor Von, The Sandman, and Tommy Dreamer. Raw counters with Johnny Nitro, Kenny Dykstra, Viscera, Eugene, and Randy Orton. I would say one person in this match has a chance of winning it.

Are these the best the brands could do for this big match? This is like the Indianapolis Colts needing to absolutely win a game and sending Jim Sorgi out there instead of Peyton Manning. Matt Striker is the first guy out of the match. Sandman is then tossed next by Mark Henry. William Regal is tossed by Viscera, and then Mark Henry throws out Chavo Guerrero- that seems counter-productive. Viscera then tosses Tommy Dreamer. Kevin Thorn is the next to be tossed by Mark Henry. That leaves just Cor Von for the ECW brand. We then get a stand-off for Mark Henry and Viscera staring each other down leading to the biggest pop these two have ever gotten. I’m stunned the crowd reacted like they did. Mark Henry then just tosses Viscera out of the ring as we go to commercial.

During the commercial break Eugene threw out Kenny Dykstra, who was then dumped by Randy Orton. Every man for himself but doesn’t it make more sense to work together so you pick up guys. Cor Von charges at Hardy who ducks and Marcus goes to the floor. ECW is now out of this match. Randy Orton then eliminates Johnny Nitro. Matt Hardy then gets rid of Mark Henry and we are left with Orton, Henry, and Hardy. Matt starts to pull Henry over and Orton finishes up the job. Orton lines up for the RKO but Hardy blocks and hits the Side Effect. Orton comes back though and hits his inverted backbreaker. Hardy hits a move off the top but then Orton blocks the Side Effect and with a European Uppercut knocks Matt out.

- Two draft picks for Raw and they get Snitsky. Guess we know who is getting fed to Cena next. They also get Mr. Kennedy. Wow. Smackdown has come out on the losing end of this draft again. They lose Chris Benoit, King Booker, and Mr. Kennedy and get back Great Khali, Chris Masters, Torrie Wilson and Ric Flair. Hell even ECW got Benoit back in place of losing Lashley- that is a lot closer to canceling out. Raw gets three new heels to work with Cena and picks up Lashley who is second in the company as far as being pushed behind Cena. Hopefully the supplemental draft will help balance this out a little more. Smackdown could use someone like Jeff Hardy or maybe even Punk to put in the temporary face role until Undertaker and Mysterio get back. ECW could use another big heel now like maybe Mark Henry or Umaga to work with Benoit and Punk. Unless they decide to make Benoit the heel on ECW and just be the veteran tough guy beating up and bullying the young guys. But for now- Raw is way ahead in all this.

- “Stonecold” Steve Austin is up next to talk and through all the bleeps he says he was always better than McMahon.

- We now run down the Vengenance card and in the Championship challenge it will be John Cena vs Booker T vs Randy Orton vs Bobby Lashley vs Mick Foley. I think- it really wasn’t made clear. Despite Foley seeming out of place and random that might work.

- Vince is now out to cap off his night. This whole peaceful, zen-like Vince is a nice different approach to his character. He thanks the crowd and says little else of value before leaving ringside. He walks through the back where the rest of the wrestlers who had the night off are standing and lining the halls. (Mickie James looked amazing in her little outfit) He walks out to his limo and sees some sinister people sitting on the dumpster (no I couldn’t tell who it was). He gets in his limo and then it blows up. End of show. I guess the hook is- who set up the limo to explode. Some will most likely be outraged, but it was a really good ending. It had a nice tense feeling, and felt topical considering how The Sopranos ended the night before. That seemed like what they were going for. I would imagine this is how the Jackass people get involved at Summerslam or maybe it means the beginning of a humble McMahon character. Either way is ok by me.

Ok edition of the show. It lost some steam as we hit the last hour, not because it was bad or anything but they loaded the better matches at the top of the show, and the McMahon stuff lost some momentum as we moved along. The draft stuff is fine but like I said- Smackdown came out worse from it- for now.