Pro Wrestling Chronicle

Yes it is technically not the morning after but I’m here anyway. Paul’s internet access is non-exsistant right now so he is out this week and I am filling in. It would be cool if this was a mid 80’s type wrestling angle where a guy disappears and then a few weeks later shows up somewhere else. No, Paul won’t be writing for Wrestling Tribune or anything in a few weeks- he’s here to stay. I’ll do my best to fill in, and add my thoughts as we go so I can get out of a column tomorrow.

-Open with Cena and McMahon in the back. Vince is still dressed like the cat burgular from that one Simpsons episode. He says a little awkward slang but avoids an Imus like incident. He does find a way to co-opt Cena’s catchphrase. HBK enters the picture and says he wants a rematch with Cena, which John grants. However, McMahon says he will have to earn his rematch.

- Papa Roach’s “To Be Loved” kicks us off. I remember when they were trying to be hard-edged singing about their “Last Resort.” Now they are singing catchy quasi-power punk. Still an upgrade over “Across the Nation” or whatever that song was called anymore.

-Edge vs Randy Orton to start. I don’t pay enough attention I guess: When did Orton start using the Garvin stomp? I think if Orton showed as much fire in the ring as he did destroying that hotel room in England he would be a big star. As I type that a very tepid “Randy” chant starts up. (commercial)

Spiderman 3 preview for the first of the 3,045,786 times this week it will show. Almost guaranteed to rock.

- We’re back and Ross actually explains that this match was supposed to happen last week but the length of the Cena-HBK match bumped it back. Good idea to hammer that home. Edge spears Orton in the back and Randy takes a huge bump into the announce table at ringside- looked stiff. Edge covers but Orton kicks out. Edge goes on the offense now- thankfully the King’s headset takes a little while longer til it decides it wants to work. Edge comes off the top rope but Orton catches him with a dropkick. Pretty nice camera angle on the replay. Some audible spot calling as they get up off the mat. They bounce off the ropes and both go for a cross-body block. Sloppy series of 2 counts, but crowd is into the match. Both guys try to get a 3 count with their feet on the ropes but the ref breaks it up twice. Orton goes for the RKO but Edge reverses it into the Impaler for a 2 count. Orton is busted open but somehow avoids the spear. Ross works in a BBQ sauce reference. Edge again reverses the RKO and hits the spear on the second try for the 3 count.

Winner: Edge- ok match. It was a little sloppy at times and the crowd was kind of apathetic at the beginning without a face to cheer for. The table spot got them into the match and they were hot for the second part. Clear still that Orton has fallen down the pecking order.

- Santino Marella’s first live interview. As long as you don’t count the post-match interview 2 weeks ago in Italy. He works in 2 straight cliches. Don’t quite get the logic of putting the second tier title around the waist of a guy who is still fairly green and isn’t wrestling. Interview was nothing.

- The McMahon’s are in the back and Vince says he doesn’t like RVD or any other of the ECW originals. RVD vs Umaga tonight. They share an awkward tender moment.

- Maria interviews Edge. She has a cold tonight. Edge complains that HBK is getting another title match tonight. He says he is re-inserting himself into the title picture.

- Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch join the announcers for the next match. Jeff Hardy is out first. Why does he feel the need to dry hump the air in front him when he enters? Hardy’s opponent is Johnny Nitro- somebody checked the lost and found box at Titan Towers obviously. Weird commentary as Cade and Murdoch are putting over the Hardys the whole time. Nitro goes up top and Hardy catches him with a back bodydrop off the top rope. Swanton for a 3 count and that’s the end. Cade and Murdoch get up and applaud Jeff. They try to shake hands with Jeff but he walks away. That’s kind of heelish.

- RVD vs Umaga is up next. Shane McMahon is out to make sure Umaga wins. Spotty McSloppyson gets some initial offense but gets pushed into the ring barrier by Umaga. Ross says RVD commented McMahon has ruined the legacy of ECW. Funny- I would say that happened long before McMahon put the belt around his waist. Oh well- we just disagree. Sleeperhold on Umaga brings the Samoan down to one knee. Nice little spot where Umaga gets out of the sleeper by rolling RVD into the ring steps. Charging butt splash misses into the corner. RVD hits a frog splash by spinning 180 degrees in mid-air. however he gets caught in the goozle and gets the Samoan Spike for a pinfall.

Winner: Umaga- I guess it helps them build back up Umaga after playing second banana to McMahon for two months now. I would assume RVD is truly on his way out because they just blew off his finisher with that ending. Building back up Umaga is more important right now though.

- Carlito and Ric Flair meet in the back with Carlito saying they will face the World’s Greatest Tag Team later on. If you look very carefully about 100 feet ahead there is a full-fledged heel turn coming up.

- HBK is announced for the match with Cena but he doesn’t come out. On the Titantron they show him bleeding sitting against the wall in the back. (commercial) We come back and Vince says he wants him in the ring tonight.

- Time for Flair/Carlito w/Torrie vs WGTT. Haas and Benjamin are used to being showered and dressed by now on Monday nights. Carlito hits a hurrancanrana but then Shelton turns the tables by drop-kicking Carlito (That was the idea anyway. He missed by about 6 inches.) Heel beatdown time as they cut the ring in half. Crowd chants “We want Flair,” which doesn’t bode well for Carlito. Faces are in control until Carlito hits the cheapshot on Flair. Pretty even brawl.

Winner: No contest- Furthered the angle of the Carlito/Flair break-up. Sadly Haas and Benjamin are the backdrop for all this. They deserve better.

- In the back Edge is laid out in the locker room. Coach tells Mike Chioda to go get Randy Orton- the plot thins.

- JR and King speculate on the attacker’s identity but are cut off by another package on The Condemned which will be in theaters for another 24 hours so hurry up. What is with rock bands covering Phil Collins songs? Who the hell is Egypt Central? Is there any good rock music anymore?

- Mr. Kennedy is out and makes some OJ jokes that would’ve killed 12 years ago (No pun intended). He shows off his MITB briefcase, and asks who would like to see him cash in his title match right now on Raw. The crowd cheers. Kennedy says no dice. He then announces he will cash in at Wrestlemania 24…Well long-term planning is good. Raw superstar shows up on Smackdown he gets a huge pop. Smackdown star shwos up on Raw he gets lukewarm pop. Kind of sad.

-In the back Randy Orton is laid out in the shower. Kenny Dykstra is there . I’m gonna guess Orton was looking to play “Hotel Room” with a youngster and they didn’t like it. I could be wrong though-it happens. At least Dykstra has upped his TV time in the last 3 months to :38 seconds. 3 more appearances and he should break a minute.

- McMahon is in the back talking to a random bald guy and then tells Coach he needs to go to the ring and meet with Cena and Vince will announce who is laying out all these guys.

- Divas tag match with Victoria/Melina versus Mickie James/Candice Michelle. Candice’s face looks more like a burlap sack this week than ever before. Melina still looks like a horse. A horse with big fake boobs, but a horse nonetheless. Mickie and Victoria I have nothing bad to say about. Victoria is doing her best to keep this match together. The crowd just wants to see someone lose their top. Ugly looking finishing sequence as Candice pins Victoria- I think.

Winners: Candice Michelle/Mickie James: Good move to put the divas in the usual down quarter hour. It would be nice if they were a little better at putting on a match but let’s be honest- they ain’t there for their talent.

- Could Delta Farce look less funnier than it does in the trailers? Did they have to work in “Git-R-Done- like did the writers have that ready to go and just inserted it in at random times until it fit?

- John Cena is out for the closing segment and calls out whoever is laying out the wrestlers tonight. Before we find out I’m gonna guess Colonel Mustard- I always did have an unhealthy obsession with Clue though. Apparently it’s The Invisible Man doing it. Finally music hits and we get The Great Khali. Khali works over Cena and then blocks the FU when John tries to hit it. Khali hits the Tree Slam and then holds the belt in the air while the crowd….cheers….clearly the people in Nashville are insane. The show ends with Cena laid out in the ring and Khali walking tall.

If their next idea is going with a Cena/Khali match-up they are asking for trouble. Unless they are trying to turn favor in the direction of Cena by pairing him with a terrible wrestler.

Ok edition of Raw. Nothing real blowaway or memorable. Nice little opening match and they added some intrigue to the Hardys- Cade/Murdoch feud. They also finalized the Carlito heel turn. There is plenty of work to do though and there is some stuff to build on. Paul will hopefully be here next week. Until then….see ya