Pro Wrestling Chronicle

Thoughts on WWE’s Judgement Day PPV (more like questions) for this 5.29.06 Four For the Road.
– Some WWE Judgment Day thoughts (questions). All this time we’ve had a supposed Wellness Program with extensive drug testing and wing-man Joey Matthews - I’m sorry - Mercury is the only one going to rehab? What a jip.

So let me get this straight. Undertaker can’t put over John Cena, Bautista, or Randy Orton? But he can put over the (not so) Great Khali? Ric Flair and so many others can’t get any promo time on TV, but a guy who speaks no recognizable language known to man (Khali) gets mic time? O-Kay. Quite the system they’ve got going on Smackdown. WWE is actually lucky no one is watching right now.

Mysterio was going to get surgery, so they took the champ and had two no-talents like Mark Henry and Khali crush him? But JBL needs surgery more, so little 619 got to keep his belt at the PPV? Is Smackdown coming to Stabler Arena or Philly anytime soon? I’d like to go over Rey Rey too. I need the rub, and these are my hometowns. Call me Vince.

A side note here. Mark Henry is still eating fat roasted pigs and sweating your WWE dollars thanks to that wonderful huge contract he signed ten years ago! This guy has been making 250-275 grand a year, plus PPV bonuses. We were all going to get lucky, as Henry was gearing up for retirement. Then Vince and Big Steph decided to make him a main event player is the Smackdown sandbox. Guess who just got some big payoffs and is about to sign a new deal? Yep, thanks Big Steph. Stab that balloon stomach of yours before your demon seed unfurls. Do it for the fans!

Fit Finley apparently needs a midget to get him over. This is the quintessential WWE move of what Vinny Mac believes wrestling, or rather Sports Entertainment, is. But is anyone on Smackdown really over? I mean, if fifty people get drunk enough to boo JBL for his blatant to-real-to-be-a-work racism, is he REALLY over?

Matt Hardy was in a dark match that didn’t even air on the pre-show. I know these guys don’t save their money, but can you just release Hardy anyway. Even if he doesn’t know it, we’d all like him a lot better in ROH, TNA, England, Japan, and Middle Earth. Just as long as he’s far away from you people so his humbling does turn into his pathetic acceptance, like my old favorite, Ric Flair. Bozo Clown Flair got married again. Get ready to split your money in half for the third time, Nature Boy. Why can’t you be smart and marry Little Natch? He’d never sue over alimony! Even Hogan laughs at the way you prostitute yourself, and I hate when people make me agree with Hogan.

At the end of all this, some how, WWE Smackdown had a critically successful PPV. One final question: If no one bought the PPV, is there anyone in the forest to hear it fall?

I’ll be back tomorrow with thoughts on the RAW side of things, my attempts to not comment on the ECW angle and brand extension, and some UFC 60 thoughts. If Paul shows up tonight w/ the RAW Ramblings, you’ll get it in the mail. If not, that means Paul made a very sane choice in not reviewing RAW.